Homes-COOL! How we came to be homeschoolers.

Education is such an important thing and it's so worth-while.  So, our feeling is that pretty much any kind of education you can give your children-- whether it's public, private, or home-- is going to be a great thing.  The trick is finding which of those three options is going to be the best fit for your family.  Some families go all the way public, all the way private, or all the way home.  Some do a mix of all of those-- one kid may be public, one private, one home.  Or maybe one year public, next year home, next year private.  There are many possibilities and opportunities for finding a good educational fit for your family.  And where every family and every child and every year is different, how wonderful is it that, living in the United States, we have the option to be flexible and meet our family's needs.

I should say that my background is in public school.  I moved every 2 years growing up and attended at least 9 or 10 public schools. I never had a negative experience with them, though middle school was definitely not my favorite time in life.  My husband is also a brilliant product of public school.  He had excellent schools and amazing opportunities as early as his elementary years in CA.  His mom and sister are public school teachers.  I started my bachelor's degree in Elementary Education.  Public school has so many great things going for it.

 Now, my exposure to homeschool?  Well, two of my sisters tried homeschooling by correspondence many years ago (just for a few years in high school) and it did not go as well as they (or my parents) would have liked.  But, I also have extended family that have homeschooled K through 12 and they loved it! They have turned out to be wonderful, fun, socially competent, hard working, contributing members of society.  Some of them have chosen to homeschool their own kids, and some have chosen to go the private or public route.   My brother and sister-in-law also homeschooled their kids for about 6 years up until this year.  I've always been impressed with their kids-- they are just as kids should be.  So homeschool also has many great things going for it.

So how did we decide which route to take?  Specifically, why did we decide to homeschool?

It's been a 5 year journey so far. It started when we had our oldest, who is now almost 6. I don't remember what got us considering it as an option.  I think it was a combination of feeling the reality of our new situation--- having a little human to care for--wanting to give them exposure to all the best things (you know, best bottle, best way to sleep train, best way to...you name it...) while trying to keep harmful things out of their way (real physical dangers and real spiritual dangers).

We started doing Montessori at home, having read up on it and feeling like we wanted to teach our kids independence and positive empowerment (one of those 'bests' we wanted to pursue). It was fine, but a little bit of, what I now would consider, unnecessary stress and pressure at that time.  We incorporated Montessori into our home to varying degrees until our oldest was about 18 months.  Then we moved to Missouri. Being in flux, and pregnant with baby 2, we let the Montessori go.

But reading Montessori books got me thinking about alternative ways to educate our kids.  A friend told me about her decision to homeschool her kids through the Thomas Jefferson Education (TJEd) method.  It sounded really lovely, so I got a copy of the book and read all about it.  I was so impressed by the idea of letting our kids just be kids-- no rigorous expectations of meeting certain standards. No sitting in a desk all day.  Teaching them the academics through an interest they may have-- i.e. learning about math, history, geography, etc through reading books about surfing (if that were the child's interest).  This all sounded too cool to be real!

So I joined Facebook groups about homeschooling to see what others thought.  And my mind was just blown away with all the different resources, methods, tools, products and support available for homeschooling.  It was clear that homeschooling now is VERY DIFFERENT than it was 10 or 20 years ago.  In a word, it is AWESOME! I truly feel that way-- filled with awe, amazement, gratitude, and excitement as I'm exposed to ideas that others have, homeschool stories they share, the curriculums people love (or hate), the get-togethers and co-ops that bring kids and families together and that feeling of belonging.

We've gone through lots of books and websites on different methods, we've talked to lots of homeschooling families, we've vacillated between doing it and not doing it, and we've had many, many conversations as a couple and family.  Most importantly, we've prayed about it-- lots.  And with all of our deliberating, we choose to homeschool because we've weighed it out and taken it to the Lord and feel a positive feeling and an excitement about homeschooling every time we re-evaluate (which I tend to do every time someone acts as though they think I'm nuts for keeping my kids home with me all day)!

So, here is my bullet list of reasons why we want to homeschool (and note that this is just MY OPINION on the pros of homeschooling and why the concerns aren't such a concern for us):

• Kids can just be kids.  They can pursue their interests and go at their own rate with individualized attention.  They can take a break if they need to, they can plow ahead if they want to, they can go off on tangents to explore an idea that really interests them.  They can LOVE to actually learn. Not learn to perform to a test, but LEARN (i.e. internalize and become better for the knowledge they've assimilated).  

• Being Social. I know that this is probably the #1 concern with anyone who thinks about homeschooling.  They don't want their kids to be weird. Homeschoolers have many chances for being social.  There are co-ops (we do this weekly) and field trips and group outings and even community events that kids may not otherwise be able to participate in.  Homeschooled kids are also regularly exposed to socializing with people of all ages-- younger kids, kids their own age, older kids, and adults. Their friend pool is deeper and more varied when you have lots of ages to pick from.  This is a great thing and, I think, probably helps avoid some of the social problems you start to see as kids get older-- the queen bees and the bullies, that sort of thing.  You're not going to be picking on very many people if you know your target's older sibling/friend is standing (or sitting-- in the case of classrooms) right behind you.  

• 'Socialization'.  If you're talking about the actual term 'socialization', as in teaching kids how to go through the motions of functioning in society, I think homeschoolers are okay on this point.  For one, they are often out navigating society--- going grocery shopping, participating in events at the zoo or the art museum, etc.  They are regularly given opportunities to learn how to function in society.  They even get 'classroom etiquette' and 'group work or team work' as you involve them in co-ops, outside classes, and sports/ hobbies.  They even get some of the shuffling between classes and lunch room/recess scenes at co-ops, and the riding the bus with sports.  The biggest thing they miss out on is probably what it feels like to be divided by age groups, but I'm okay with that since they won't be divided by age groups as adults.   

• Knowing your kids.   I love that homeschooling allows the student to have a teacher (i.e. parent) that knows them intimately, loves them, sticks with them through the years and can see their strengths, weaknesses, and interests.  They can foresee and intervene when issues come up.  They can tailor as needs change.

• Family unity!  This is HUGE for me.  This actually may be the deep down root of the reason I choose to homeschool. Background: I know me-- I am task oriented and organized.  I love projects and do well with stress.  The result tends to be that I take on huge projects, or many projects at once, and I spend hours upon hours thinking about it, planning for it, orchestrating and carrying out the project, whatever it may be.  I've spent months looking into starting a new business...multiple times.  I just completely throw myself into whatever I'm doing-- even if that means that I let other things suffer-- definitely housework, but even kids.  This is a big no-no for me.  I'm aware of this weakness-- that I get caught up in my 'project' ideas and don't spend as much time with the kids as I need or deeply want to. I just get lost in the challenge!  I'm not one to care much for the latest television show, or spending hours on games or social media, but I get caught up in working towards dreams.  A good thing put to excess and causing problems in our home. Homeschooling is BRILLIANT for me because 1) it's a project 2) it requires a certain degree of organization (depending on how you homeschool) 3) it is a regular kid-and- family-centered focus.  I spend one on one time, group time, and play time with them.  I think of enriching things to do (or the curriculum thinks of things for me) and we do them together.  It gives us so much time to bond!  I'm also present more often for all of the sibling squabbles-- meaning that I can teach them to act differently rather than just put out fires all the time.  As I said, this is HUGE for me.  It's like a tailor-made way to both appeal to my strength and correct my weakness.

• My Personal growth. When you, as a parent, are sacrificing so much of yourself for your kids...something changes.  It's kind of like when you have a child.  Your life will never be the same.  You think differently, you act differently, you feel differently.  But it's all for the better.  And then you add another child to your family and experience some upheaval as you readjust.  You think even more differently, act even more differently, feel even more differently.  But it's all for the better again.  The process is the same for the third child, the fourth child, and I'd presume for every child after.  Things change.  But if you're willing to toe the line and step up to the challenge, you will change for the better.  I think the same thing has happened with starting homeschool.  It has forced me to reevaluate myself, my life, the way we operate, the way we parent-- pretty much everything.  And we have changed-- 100% for the better.  I don't exaggerate.  All of these changes, though we didn't know we needed them, have been an enormous blessing.  We are all better for it.  Plus, I'm excited to learn all the academics side-by-side with my kids.  I'm remembering and relearning or learning something entirely new every day.

• Safety.  I'll be honest in saying that I do think the world is a little crazy in many ways.  I also think it's FULL of goodness and wonderful things.  I want my kids to understand both the negative things and the positive things so that they can learn to choose the good (hopefully).  I really don't want a third person or organization to introduce my kids to sex, or gender identity, or drugs, or alcohol, or smoking, or nudity, or swearing--- I want to be the one that talks to them about those things first-- when the time is right--because I have a parent's intuition for my specific children and can tailor it to them and their levels of understanding. I don't want to shelter them. I want them to feel confident that they can understand and operate in the world.  If something is introduced to my child at 8am that gives my child internal grief or confusion, I don't want them to have to wait until 4pm to talk to me about it-- if they even remember to talk to me about it by then.  I know that this will sometimes happen, but I'm hoping it won't be too often.

• More positive peer relationships.  Recently, I read a mom's comment in a homeschooling Facebook group. She said that she has done both public and homeschool with her kids and that, paraphrasing, she has noticed that while in public school her kids had a handful of good friends and hundreds of acquaintances.  Where homeschooling, her kids have dozens of good friends and a few dozen additional acquaintances. I haven't had enough experience in homeschooling to verify or refute this thought-- but I'm hoping it's true.  I can at least verify that public schooling, for me, was having maybe a group of 6 or so 'friends' (though I rarely did things with them outside of school) and knowing lots of people. I was even considered a popular kid! I was actually very lonely.  So I'm hoping that homeschooling will allow for a bigger group of true friends that my kids can actually do things with, instead of just a few friends that they see once in a while in their classes.   

• Learning true principles and gospel teaching.  Alright, this is another big reason for me.  I am Christian (LDS/Mormon) and I would be considered pretty conservative in comparison with the general Christian population, let alone the population of the US as a whole.  At least in some things.  I believe that God led the way in the formation of the government of the United States and I also believe that the 10 Commandments are not just guidelines or suggestions.  I believe that kids need to have a firm God-oriented foundation in their academics.  More specifically, Christ-centered. I believe that history is the story of how God has interacted with man-- His children.  It is far more beautiful and awe-inspiring and meaningful when you think of all of everything we learn about being part of a greater whole (God's knowledge and purposes) and it all having meaning.  I want my kids to learn to see God's hand in all of academics.  I plan to teach them in a way that they still learn the things that don't jive with evangelical Christianity-- ie. we will talk about evolution, dinosaurs, and whatever the other controversial things some people choose to leave out in homeschooling (I'm not even positive what those are, to be honest).  But I do plan to incorporate God in every subject-- because I truly believe He is not just part of every subject, but the source of every subject and I want my kids to be grateful and give Him credit for that.

•  Opportunities for THEIR personal growth outside of academics.  Let's be honest, it's not all going to be rose petals and daisies while homeschooling.  I know that.  I know my kids will fight--because they do.  I know they will want their own space--because they do already.  I know there will be lots of things that will be tough for them and for me.  But I know they will grow from it.  I know they will also help one another in a way that they wouldn't have the ability to if they were spending 8-9 hours a day apart from each other.  So, besides my hope that homeschooling will allow ME to be more 'present' with my kids, I'm hoping that homeschool will allow our kids to be more 'present' for each other.  

Now, I have considered some of those big fears that I think everyone has with homeschooling (including myself) and thought...what if they end up being true?!   

First, the fear that the kids will become weird.  

I don't think our kids will be weird.  But if they are, it will more likely be because they have weird parents rather than the way they were educated.  If they do end up becoming weird, I do appreciate that when they might normally be made fun of or feel pressured to 'fit in' and reject our family weirdness-- maybe even leading them to resent us as their parents, if we're homeschooling, they will not have as much of that pressure (hopefully) and can embrace our family unity of weirdness with no fear.  As adults we all adjust-- we all learn to embrace our unique quirks and weirdnesses-- we all have them!

Second, the fear that our kids won't know how to work with different types of people.

I don't really know if this will be a factor or not.  I think not, since homeschool kids who participate in co-ops and extracurricular activities and are out in the community will be learning those skills.  Plus, they largely learn those skills from watching their parents' interactions with others.  If they see me react patiently with someone who cuts me off while driving, they will learn to behave that way.  If I am assertive and point out an error in my grocery bill, they will learn to be assertive. So, aside from their own experiences in social settings, if I model positive social skills, my kids will know how to operate in situations where they are working with people of all sorts of personalities.

Third, the fear is that homeschooling is sheltering our kids, or keeping them from being a light of goodness to the world. 

To me, I think it's pretty impossible to shelter our kids anymore.  Unless you hide them in a self-contained enclosure in the country like "The Village" (which we are NOT going to do, despite my desire to have land to romp around in), they are going to be exposed to music or language you'd rather they didn't hear and images you'd rather they didn't see.  They will learn about 'the world' so much sooner than we adults ever did.

Kids, all around us, are having breakdowns, and being diagnosed with all kinds of mental illnesses at very young ages (and upwards in age), and they are being introduced to things, away from their parents' supervision--or even sometimes with parent 'supervision', that their little brains and souls have no tools to cope with or understand.

As a Christian, I also believe in Satan.  I think there is good and there is evil.  I don't think evil cares how young a person is when it decides to attack.  There isn't any compassion or 'free pass' from being tempted away from good things.  However, family is one of the greatest weapons God has in protecting, arming, and saving souls.  I think the more time that we can spend together as a family, the better. Not being exclusive of others, or hermit-like, but having that strong base network of unconditional love and spiritual strength that each member of the family can tap into frequently each day.  Our culture is a huge battle for the hearts and souls of every person-- no matter their age.  We all need to have a refuge.

However, we also need to be a light for good.  I think homeschooling can be a powerful tool in strengthening our kids and teaching them to 'fight' (metaphorically) for goodness.  As they go out in society day to day, and when they leave the house, they will be well equipped for the battle they will be fighting--sometimes on their own.  I'm hoping that helping them to gain strength now (again, there isn't any way to completely shield them from opposition, nor would I want to--they need opposition to build strength) in a safer environment, with more time to spend with great teaching (not me, but great curriculum/books and the Spirit) and great peers...I'm hoping all that will grow strong, bright lights for the rest of their lives.  And surely, while they are kids they'll also be lights as they go about wherever they are-- in extracurricular activities, in the community, in their neighborhoods.

I know very many people who have their kids in public school, and private school, and do an INCREDIBLE job at arming their kids and at teaching them how to recognize evil for what it is and how to be ready for it.

Unfortunately, I get caught up and carried away from that all-important and critical role as mother, guide, and mentor very easily.  I know that I have weaknesses that lean towards complacency, and I stop being sensitive to my kids' emotional and spiritual needs and I stop being as vigilant.  I know I get lazy and I know that I give up. I want my weaknesses to affect them as little as possible.  So, I'm really thankful for homeschooling as an extra structure to compensate for my weaknesses.  I'm thankful to have that extra time with my kids and that extra focus on God every day so that we can all become brighter lights in the world.  

Fourth, the fear of losing 'me time'.  

This is completely valid.  We all need to have time to ourselves and time to regroup.  This was a big concern of mine.  I wasn't sure how I would handle having the kids around me all day every day.  I wasn't sure if it would just be non-stop-bickering.  I was quite nervous that it might be a disaster.  

I don't want to endure raising my kids, I want to enjoy raising them.  It's too easy for me to look at parenthood as a chore, as a difficulty.  But recently, I read a quote--  "[Motherhood] is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in.  It is what God gave you time for."   That struck a deep chord in me and kind of unlocked a different perspective.  I remembered all those awesome and adorable moments where parenting is the best job ever.  I remembered the many, many times I had the choice between updating a Facebook post and reading the book my child was asking me to read.  I realized that I probably choose what I want, or what I tell myself I 'need', to do far more often than choosing to do what my kids truly need me to do.  I decided that I'll probably do just fine with a morning at the gym and a good book to read at night.  I decided that I'll have to learn to let the chores wait.

I'll probably still need some 'me time' now and again, but I'm starting to see and feel like I'm not going to need as much as I thought.  It's been amazing to me that in the two weeks we've been homeschooling, our kids have fought far less than they normally do.  They seem happier and more satisfied.  They are also engaged in something they enjoy and they aren't making unexpected messes behind my back.  The squabbles and the messes are what stress me out and make me feel a need to run away for a few minutes and regroup.  I've been really surprised that those just haven't happened as much-- so maybe that's why I don't feel as much of a need for me time. Or maybe it's just God blessing me with a wonderful first few weeks of homeschooling to get me going in a positive direction.  Whatever the reason, 'me time' doesn't seem like it's going to be an issue at all.  I'm really thankful for that!

So, considering all those pros, cons, and concerns, we decided to homeschool!  We prayed, told God what we were thinking, and felt good, excited, and peaceful about it.  We took that as a confirmation that it was worth pursuing.  I think, in our case, that the pros are going to be worth it. 

Maybe each year will be different.  Maybe each child will be different.  But for right now, I am LOVING being a homeschooling family.  I seriously hope that it never needs to change!