When I'm out in public, I often have people ask me, "Are they all yours?" I also get a lot of "You've got your hands full!" At first, I was almost embarrassed to take all my kids with me anywhere. I was afraid of what people would think--and I'm not normally very concerned about what others think. When I did go out in public with all the kids, which wasn't all that often, and someone made a passing comment, I admit that I'd usually reply with "I know! It really is a lot of work!" or something like that. It wasn't necessarily a negative thing to say--it's just being honest with the person who made the comment.
Then, last year, I listened to a speaker in one of our church's 'General Conferences' talk about defending the family. She gave examples of different ways that women all over the world are defending families. I thought about how I might be able to do that myself. Ideas like writing a book, or becoming a super popular blogger, or picketing for some legislation, and things like that came to mind. And then I admitted to myself that I'm probably not going to do any of those things.
But the idea also came that when I go out with my kids, if someone comments on how full my hands are, how many kids I have, or their ages, instead of replying, "Oh, you have no idea!" (which is what I'm thinking in my head and which is true), I would say, "Full of love!" or "Yes, I'm so grateful to have them all be mine!" or "It's seriously so wonderful" and have none of those things be said in a sarcastic way. I could do that! That is a small doable change I could make. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it would probably be great for my kids to hear me speak positively about them to other adults. It can't hurt them to hear me gush over how happy I am to have them and how we love to do things together, even if it's sometimes a little difficult to accomplish.
I also decided that I'd actually GO out in public with all the kids. This may seem silly to have to decide to do that, but I really did. It's far easier in every way to just...stay home. But I decided that going out with all my beautiful kids is a way for me to stand up for family. I realized that, though I don't have lots of time to be involved with elaborate social advocacy projects, I CAN show people that having kids doesn't mean that you're a stress-ball all the time. Or that kids are always crying and fighting-- they can be well-behaved! But even if/when they ARE crying, I can be calm and keep things under control. I can show that, yes, it's not fun to deal with a melt-down, but it doesn't stop my life in its tracks. You work through it and move past it and everything is okay. It's worth having kids despite the melt-downs. I'm still going out and doing the things that I need to do. It doesn't mean I take them EVERYWHERE with me, but a healthy dose of errand running with kids is good for all of us (my kids and me) now and then.
So, I decided that my attitude can portray having 4 kids so close together as a blessing, which it is, instead of an inconvenience. It's a blessing because having 4 kids is amazing, no matter how close or far apart they are. So many people want to have children and can't for various reasons. I'm very fortunate to get the kisses, the noses to wipe, the hand-scribbled love notes, the diapers to change and everything else that comes with small ones.
My goal, then, is to embrace our life as it is--- full of ups and downs, but so, so good-- and to show that family really is a blessing worth pursuing. I can do that!
